Breathe, Pray, Love

I heard a great quote at church last Sunday:

“The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of faith is the end of anxiety.” George E. Mueller

On Saturday, I had one of those emotional breakdowns that make you want to run away from home, hide out at Starbucks until they kick you out, or just escape to a “happy place”.  Usually my happy place is a fictional story that is playing out in my head but this time I really envied Elijah who “went up to heaven in whirlwind” (2 Kings 2:11).  Elijah literally bypassed death and was taken straight to heaven. Since I have always been a cowardly escape artist when it comes to conflict, this seemed like an easy way out.  But because God doesn't want me to be a cowardly escape artist, the closest I got to heaven on Saturday was taking the longest shower in history.  As I stood under the water, letting it wash away my tears, I starting singing softly to the Lord, “I’m ready Lord. When my time comes, I’m ready.” I could feel myself giving into the stress and I began to fear I would break out in a Shingles rash again. 

In that moment, I had a choice to make.  I could either let my stress conquer me or I could BREATHE.  I remember back in May when I broke out in a Shingles rash, I went to my ApageHeart Ministry friend, Jerry, for prayer.  He reminded me that I needed to “breathe in the Spirit”.  Not some “mumbo-jumbo New Aggie” breathing exercise but literally breathing in more of God’s Holy Spirit.  Basically, I like to think of it as an act of surrender and obedience.  It is reminding myself to take the focus off myself and to redirect my sight on God.  I prayed, “God fill me with more of your Holy Spirit power” while inhaling and prayed, “Forgive me of my sins and unforgiveness” while exhaling.  I must have stood under the water for 10 minutes taking deep breaths and praying.  I remember thinking, “Lord, you say in your Word that if I seek you with my whole heart, I will find you. I want to feel your love. I want to have your supernatural peace that surpasses understanding. But even if I don’t feel you or see you right now, Lord, I am going to believe you love me out of faith.” 

Then I decided to give over my anxiety and stress to God and I literally changed my tune. I raised my hands to God right in the shower and started singing one of my favorite old worship songs, For You Are Good:

I cry out for your hand of mercy to heal me

I am weak I need your love to free me

Oh Lord, my Rock, my strength in weakness

Come rescue me, Oh Lord.

You are my hope, your promise never fails me

And my desire is follow you forever.

For you are good

For you are good

For you are good to me.

I must have sung, “For you are good” over and over again until the water ran cold and my frozen heart thawed. By the time I walked out of that shower, I was ready to forgive and be forgiven.  No holding grudges, no pity party, no bad attitude.  The entire atmosphere in my house changed.  And the love that I craved from God came in the form of a hug from my daughter and a kiss from my hubby.  The words I craved from the Lord came to me in the lyrics of the worship song, Love Came Down, sang at church on Sunday:

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice

If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep

I will lift these hands in faith, I will believe

I remind myself of all that You've done

And the life I have because of Your Son

Love came down and rescued me

Love came down and set me free

Now I am Yours, I am forever Yours

Mountain high or valley low

I sing out and remind my soul

I am Yours, I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope, every promise comes my way

When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

Staying desperate for You God, staying humbled at Your feet

I will lift these hands and praise, I will believe

I am Yours, I am Yours

All my days I am Yours

As Christians, we are never promised an easy road in this life. We are only promised that when the road get tough, God will never leave us or forsake us.  I shared this “not-so-attractive” story about myself to encourage you.  When you feel like running away, hiding at Starbucks, or escaping down the path that seems easier, remember to Breathe, to Pray, and receive God’s Love.  Even if we don’t see it manifested immediately the way we want it to be, God reveals His love for us, through the Spirit, in ways that will amaze us. It could be through a quote at church that speaks to your circumstance, a worship song that speaks to your heart, a hug that comforts, or a kiss that expresses forgiveness.

Love,

Yolanda

Jeremiah 29:13 If you look for me whole heartedly, you will find me.

Lamentations 3:25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

James 4:8 Come close to God and God will come close to you.

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you  O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.  

1 Kings 8:23 …and he prayed, “O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven above or on the earth below. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion.”