Even 4-Year Olds Have Bad Days - Dealing with Frustration

Today one of my preschoolers had a really bad day.  He came to school and shared how he had a nightmare last night. It was terrible. He dreamt he went to his first day of kindergarten and everyone else had a cubby for their backpack but him.  He ended up having to carry his stuff all day, which made him cry. His day got worse because when he got to preschool one of his friends accidentally elbowed him in the stomach. Ouch!  After recess, just as things started to look up, he forgot that his jacket was hanging on the chain link fence of the playground.  He was trying to pull it through the fence hole only the large portion of the jacket is stuck on the other side of the fence.  He kept pulling and pulling until he couldn't take the frustration any longer and he started to cry.  Luckily, his favorite teacher freed the jacket and picked him up for a great big hug.  It’s amazing how healing great big hugs can be.  To top off his day, right before lunch an over enthusiastic classmate tackled him to the ground while she was playing.  So, needless to say, by nap-time he was done.

As I am listening to him unload his woes to his favorite teacher, I notice that he is lying with his head on her lap.  She is offering him understanding and compassion while she rubs his back putting him to sleep.  He is finally able to relax and rest but his last comment before falling asleep made me smile.  He says, “You know teacher, that girl should really be a football player.”

Recently, I've been listening to a worship song by For King & Country called “Pushing on a Pull Door”.  I never quite understood the meaning of this song until I saw my little frustrated 4-year old pulling on that jacket without realizing that is wasn't going to come loose until he opened the gate and walked around to the other side.  How many of us can relate because we have had days just as frustrating?  Are we hopelessly spending all of our time “pushing on a pull door” growing frustrated thinking, “God, why isn't my life working?”  You see sometimes we want to pull on that small hood of the jacket because it seems faster and easier only the problem is that we can’t see that there is a big obstacle hindering our progress just on the other side of the fence.  God wants us to know that He is standing at the gate, opening it wide, telling us, “Come to me, I know what is hindering your progress because I AM the beginning and the end and I will release you and set you free.”  Then God will wipe away the tears of our frustration and pick us up and give us a holy hug of comfort.  And when we lay down our weary heads to sleep, He will take our burdens unto Himself and give us rest. All we have to do is trust, let go, and stop pulling.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

 

Psalm 55:22 (NLT)

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Matthew 11:28 (CEB)

Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.  

Love, 

Yolanda

Dedicated to Mindy:)

Life Lesson - Beware the Big, Bad Wolf

Have you ever had to learn a lesson the hard way? You know, your dad tells you that guy’s bad news but you think he’s perfect until you find out that he’s not exactly single.  Or your mom tries to tell you that girl may not be the smartest choice for a friend but you think she’s your BFF until she spills all your deepest-darkest secrets to the girls at school.  Or when God warns us to beware of wolves who disguise themselves as safe, cute little sheep.  Luckily this little trusting lamb has learned a few things from her Great Shepard, Jesus, so the cute disguise may have distracted me for a bit but I was not trapped by the big scary wolf.  

 Matthew 7:15-20 (MSG)

Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers ARE is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.

You see for the last couple weeks, I have felt a little down. Disappointed by friends. Had my feelings hurt. Had too high of expectations.  I know, whine, whine, whine….

So I use writing as my therapy. My way to approach and enter God’s throne room.  When I write, I feel closer to God.  But I am human and weak, so every once in awhile my prideful flesh rears its ugly head and I crave human feedback.  My blog statistics indicate that I have people viewing my blog from countries that I cannot even pronounce.   But I have no clue if they searched and found my blog by mistake. I don’t know if people read it, hate it, love it or think I am completely crazy.  Why I crave finding out the answers to these questions is beyond me especially after what happened today… There is a good reason why people say “silence is golden”.

Last night I got a “friend request” on my Reborn2Write Facebook page.  It was from a ministry leader that I did not recognize. So being the cautious individual that I am, I did a little research today before just accepting the request. He appeared legit.  He appeared to be the leader of a large church and ministry organization, according to my Google search.  I even went a bit further to check out his professed beliefs. Yep, claims to believe in Jesus, Bible, Salvation, etc.  So I took a chance and accepted his friend request.  I was pretty excited because I thought that he may have read my blog and liked it.  I’ll admit the peacock feathers of my ego may have preened a bit. 

But you guys know me.  Do things ever go easy for me?  Nope.  Here is the message this great sheep in wolves clothing sent me on Facebook:

“The lord spoke to me as I was going through your profile..He said i should let you know that He has heard your prayers and This year He will open the windows of blessings and shower it upon you and your family...But said you did not sow your seed of faith for the year..so get a seed of 150 dollars to sow ..I will direct you where and how to sow it and your doors of divine prosperity will be opened...”

OK?  At first, when I read “He has heard your prayers” I was so ecstatic because that is what my soul craves, to hear from God. Then as I read further, my heart began to break. I got angry, disgusted and discouraged so much that I started to cry and my hands began to shake.  How could someone who claims to be a follower of Christ want to charge me $150 dollars for “divine prosperity”.  God does not work that way! And if I was this wolf, I would go back and read what the scripture says will happen to false prophets: “chopped down and burned”.

I could have ignored his message and “unfriended him” silently but this sheep decided she needed to stand up for my ONE TRUE FRIEND, JESUS. How dare this wolf take Jesus’ FREE gift of grace, mercy and love and attempt to gain monetary payment for it.

So with hands shaking and tears running down my face, I sent my response:

Dear __________: I was very encouraged and really blessed when I read that the Lord told you that He heard my prayers because I was feeling a little discouraged. But I don't believe the gospel is intended for "name it and claim it" prosperity and that, honestly, was what I was fearful of before accepting your "friend request". I believe that the Gospel of Jesus Christ does not promise us prosperity here on this earth but actually the opposite. Following Jesus will cost believers everything so I am not praying for riches. What I desire of the Lord is more of His Holy Spirit which is free for the asking. I want to be used to spread His love for the lost. My true reward and riches will be in Heaven as a Crown of Righteousness. That is all I long for. Now, you can imagine how discouraged I am by your message. I don't believe God will bless me for giving $150 dollars. I believe that as Christians we must tithe to our church out of obedience and love for the Lord and God will direct me personally how it is to be sowed. So thank you anyways. God Bless.

I write this post partially for therapy but most importantly to warn my fellow sheep to be on alert for wolves in our midst.  They won’t look scary and dangerous.  They will look sleek and attractive and they will have a great sales pitch and they will prey on the hopeless, lonely, elderly, and weak.  The Bible says that in the end times, false prophets and people claiming to be Christ are going to prowl around leading people astray:

 Matthew 24:24-25 (MSG)“If anyone tries to flag you down, calling out, ‘Here’s the Messiah!’ or points, ‘There he is!’ don’t fall for it. Fake Messiahs and lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better. But I’ve given you fair warning.

Jesus Christ is coming back, hallelujah, but He has given us a warning in the Bible so we will know how to identify Him and we will not be misled by phonies.

Matthew 24:30-31(NLT) And then at last, the sign that the Son of Man [Jesus] is coming will appear in the heavens, and there will be deep mourning among all the peoples of the earth. And they will see the Son of Man [Jesus] coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.  And he will send out his angels with the mighty blast of a trumpet, and they will gather his chosen ones from all over the world—from the farthest ends of the earth and heaven.

So my fellow sheep, until you see Jesus descending from Heaven in the clouds and you hear a mighty trumpet being blown by His angles, tell all those other fake wolves to take a flying leap. Can I hear an AMEN SISTER!

You see, JESUS is the only one worthy of bestowing blessings, forgiveness, healing, mercy, and grace to us.  He is the only one worthy of hearing our prayers because HE is the only one that paid the price.  Answered prayer is FREE for the asking.  Do not let any wolf attempt to charge you money for it.  God’s blessings are FREE for us because God loved us so much that He sent his only Son Jesus to die on the cross and to PAY the price for our sins.  Jesus paid our price so that we would not have to.

Jesus said:

You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.  Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it! John 14:13-14(NLT)

And if Jesus said it, I believe it and it is good enough for me!

One last thought that is on my heart, and this is probably more for me than for you, but we must be diligent in learning God’s word.  Find a good bible teaching church with a Pastor who loves the Lord and is filled with the Holy Spirit. Most of us are blessed to have a multitude of bibles at our disposal, so we must read them, listen, download scriptures, whatever works so we will learn to recognize Jesus’ voice. The Bible is our weapon and safeguard against the lies of the Wolf.

 

John 10:25-27 (MSG) Jesus answered, “I told you, but you don’t believe. Everything I have done has been authorized by my Father, actions that speak louder than words. You don’t believe because you’re not my sheep. My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them real and eternal life. They are protected from the Destroyer for good. No one can steal them from out of my hand. The Father who put them under my care is so much greater than the Destroyer and Thief. No one could ever get them away from him. I and the Father are one heart and mind.”

And just in case you are wondering….That wolf was the first person I have ever “unfriended” on Facebook.  May the Lord give me the wisdom and discernment to identify the wolves before I “Friend” them in the futureJ

With much love for my fellow sheep,

Yolanda

The "Big Talk"

For over a year I have been preparing myself for the inevitable “Big Talk” with my daughter. I knew that I wanted to have this discussion before junior high and since her 5^th grade school year was winding down, I figured that Spring Break would be the perfect opportunity. I got advice from all my Christian mom friends and borrowed the recommended Christian “Birds and Bees” book.  I got myself ready by:

1)      Prayer

2)      Having the book available and ready

3)      Arranging living room chairs to make a relaxed environment

4)      Attempting to not laugh at corny drawings

5)      Attempting to not stutter, cough, or mumble through embarrassing terminology like pen*s or vig*n*.  As you can see, this did not go over well since I cannot even type the words.  We tend to use immature and non-scientific terms in my house such as “peepee” and “vigigi”. 

When my poor, unsuspecting Tween daughter realized what book was on the coffee table she immediately tried to crawl into a fetal position while mumbling incoherently that she already knew about S.E.X.  Yes, she asked to spell it because she seems to have inherited my inability to speak certain embarrassing words out loud.  I tried to act cool.  I did not freak out when I calmly asked, “Oh really, who told you about it?”  As I am chanting in my brain, “remain calm, remain calm”, I am slowly categorizing all of her “heathen” friends who I am sure are responsible for this lack of propriety.  She tells me that she promised not to tell. After asking nicely, promising not to get mad, attempting to sway her with logic, and torturing her with embarrassing tales of my childhood, I finally broke her down with a bribe of Starbucks and a pedicure. I know, desperate times called for desperate measures.  So beware of the power of Starbucks’ Strawberry Frappuccinos if you have shared a secret with my daughter. She’ll probably spill it under Frappuccino pressure.

Low and behold, her informant ended up being none other than one of her great Christian friends.  The source of their information came from a borrowed Christian book.  Not some “dirty book or website” Not some “heathen” acquaintance with hoochie clothes and absentee parents.  I guess it really is true that we should never "judge a book by its cover".  After coming to terms with the fact that I would not be the first to share this information with her, I told her that we should still read through the book…JUST in case her friend missed any vital information.  We both relaxed, laughed, shared, and it ended up being a great mother-daughter question and answer session. And just to warn you parents, if you have built an environment of trust and they feel comfortable, they will have a lot of questions.  Be prepared to share your testimony, your mistakes, and most importantly the blessings that God has for married couples.

To be honest, what kind of shocked me more than her friend sharing the basics was how much my daughter had already figured out about unwed pregnancy, same-sex couples, and a bunch of other stuff.  This led to a great opportunity for me to share God’s principles from the Bible. Why God desires for us to wait until marriage. Why He desires that we marry someone who loves Him.  You see, a lot of people assume God gets a kick out of having us follow a bunch of rules and regulations. They don’t stop to realize that He is not some mean dictator but a good and loving Dad.  He cautions us about sexual sin, like adultery and having sex without the security of marriage because He knows the pain, devastation, and the far-reaching consequences that accompany broken hearts and broken families.  I made sure to explain how God loves us even when we mess up and that He forgives us our mistakes.  How God sees all sexual sin equally wrong and devastating.  That God hates the results of sin but loves the sinner and that, we as Christians, should also not hate and condemn  Jesus told us that the world would know we are Christians by our love for one another (John 13:35).  I assured her that God loves us all equally and desires all of us to turn from our sins, to believe in His son Jesus and be saved.  I stressed to my daughter the importance of knowing God’s Truth so that she is never swayed by the lies the Devil will try to feed her through peers, adults, media, and the world in general.  

So, here I was worried, wondering if she was ready when really the question was whether I was ready to speak the truth.  I wanted to keep her innocent, my baby girl forever.   I think as parents we want to shelter and protect our children from the evils of this world. From being lead astray.  From being hurt. From being tainted by the darkness that surrounds us.  If we could put them in bubble wrap, keeping them physically and emotionally safe, we would.

What I realized today is that sometimes the way to keep them “safe” is by giving them the power that comes from knowing the TRUTH. We need to empower our children to be strong warriors for God.  Warriors that will set their world on fire for His glory.  The truth will set them free to be the young men and women that God has destined them to be (John 8:32). 

With knowledge they are prepared.

Prepared they are aware.

Aware they are cautious. 

With caution they will gain wisdom.

With wisdom they will make good choices.

Making good choices will keep them in God’s will.

And God's will is always and ultimately the best for our children.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

We, as parents, need to equip our children with God’s armor.  We need to be ready to stand by them, to fight for them, and we must be fully prepared for the battle in our own armor.  Willing to be their squires and to help them put on each layer of their armor daily so that they can fight the daily battle against sin and temptation.  And when they reach spiritual maturity, we can witness and celebrate the victory that comes from our children embracing their own relationship with God.          

The Whole Armor of God

¹⁰ A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹² For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.¹³ Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴ Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶ In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷ Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT)

^{As a mom, my job is verse 18. I need to:} 

 ¹⁸ Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in my prayers for [my daughter] all believers everywhere.

  So finally, I am glad that "The Big Talk" is over. I am disappointed though that I let fear and embarrassment prevent me from being the first to share what is really God's beautiful design for marriage.  I am thankful that my daughter trusted me enough to open up and share. I pray that this will set the foundation for a continued open and loving relationship.  Even though, I am sure that some days I will wish that Home Depot sold teenage size bubble wrap.  

Love,

Yolanda

PS:  I have received a few questions about the book I used.  In preparation, I read the book "The Big Talk: Talking to Your Child about Sex and Dating" by Laurie Langford last year which I thought was a great book for parents on why it is important to have this discussion with your child. The author speaks from personal experience and I found the book very informative. The book I read to my daughter is "Before I Was Born" by Carolyn Nystrom.