You Are Never Truly Alone

Recently I was pushed out of my comfort zone and I discovered something pretty great.  I think I have finally grown up. I’m mature. Hooray!  I’m doing the happy dance. OK, maybe not mature but definitely grown up. You see, last weekend was by birthday and I ended up spending most of the day alone. Guess what? I survived; it wasn't bad and I didn't feel like a loser.

The morning of my birthday, my husband suggested that I go to a nearby Resort and Spa for a massage and to hang out by the pool. We love it there and they have a great birthday deal where you get in for free on your actual birthday. You can enjoy all the pools, hot tubs, slather yourself with mud, sit in stinky mineral water if you want to smell like rotten eggs, and generally pamper yourself all day.   He gifted me the money for a massage and told me to call my girlfriends and see if they would be up for a spontaneous trip to the spa.  Well, after calling all of my friends on my contact list, low and behold, not a single friend would drop everything to spend the day with me. How rude! As I am wallowing in self-pity, my husband says, “Go alone. How often does your actual birthday fall on a Saturday? How often is it 80 degrees and sunny in January?"  TRUE.  But could I do it? Would I be brave enough to go spend the entire day at a resort by myself? 

In my teens, I never went anywhere alone.  I felt like a major “frump girl”.  I was shy and fearful of everything.

From 18 to my early 20s, I relied on my friends for courage. I would literally hide behind my more outgoing friends.  My chunky adolescent weight had finally settled into more advantageous curves but even with the best figure I will probably ever have, there was no confidence to go along with it. There was a reason why my friends always got asked to dance while I watched the purses.  Why my friends voted me last to get married and why I loving referred to my dating life as the “two date curse” because I rarely got a second date. 

In my 30s, the little confidence I gained in my 20s disappeared as I struggled with losing the pregnancy weight.  I felt like “frump girl” all over again.  I craved alone time but as a new mom all the “me” time was usually accompanied by guilt.  I refer to this decade as my “lost” period.  I lost sleep, gained weight, had some crazy boy haircut, and misplaced my sex drive.

But something wonderful happened when I turned 40.  I found all those things that I misplaced, much to my husbands delight.  I learned to be comfortable with my body.  Chunky can be pretty sexy if you stop buying your underwear in bulk. I learned to see the humor in life’s experiences and not take everything so personally.  My little Edward Cullen crush brought out my inner teenager, which made me feel young again and in reminiscing about young love I fell head over heels in love with my husband again. Also, I rediscovered the joy of reading, which set the foundation for my love of writing.  And at 43, I finally discovered God’s calling and purpose for my life.  So, I am looking forward to what God has in store for me in my 44^th year. 

But if I could go back in time, I would love to sit my young self down and tell her a few things I have learned to appreciate in my 40s.  It may have saved her a few tears, jeers, and wasted years:

• At 13: Just because you like 501 jeans that does not give you permission to wear them for your entire freshman year.

•  At 15: Listen to your mother when she tries to politely steer you away from the big, puffy, white party dress into a simple a-line dress.  She just may know what she is talking about and she is trying to save you from looking like a big, Mexican snowball.

•  At 18: Don’t settle and give your first kiss away to someone not worthy. You only have one “first kiss” and it should be saved for someone special.

• At 21: Your heart will recover from first love’s heartbreak and you will get down on your knees and thank your Heavenly Father for saving you from someone who was not best for His daughter.  God had already selected someone perfect for you who would be worth the wait.

•  At 26: Thank your mother for the best advice ever, “Don’t give the milk away for free or they won’t buy the cow.” She saved you from years of pain and regret.  Not to mention that I truly believe this advice laid the foundation for a blessed marriage.

• At 30: Do not start buying discount underwear in bulk.  It will take you a full decade to recover and get your sexy back.

• Don’t walk through life looking down. Make eye contact. Pray for God to give you His eyes for humanity so that you can see people the way God sees and loves them.

• Don’t be afraid to make conversation.  People need to feel validated and encouraged. Pray God gives you discernment to know who needs to hear about His unfailing love and that He provides you with His perfect words to touch their heart for His kingdom’s sake.

• Give Holy Hugs generously releasing God’s love through the Holy Spirit because people are desperately seeking a touch from God.

• Invest your life in others.  The return on your investment will be amazing friendships.

• Be brave and courageous knowing that you can do all things through Christ that gives you strength.

• Trust God with your whole life: your dreams, choices, relationships, pains and disappointments.  He is trustworthy and He has better plans for your life than you could possible dream for yourself.

• Laugh with your husband every day because laughter has healing power to erase past hurts and misunderstandings.

Proverbs 15:13 (MSG)

 A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.

• OK, young Yolanda, don't hate me for this last bit of advice but have sex with your spouse 2-3 times a week even if you’re tired, grumpy or feeling chunky.  It will keep you emotionally connected to your spouse and you’ll both sleep betterJ I learned after many needless arguments that intimacy brings that healing laughter into your marriage because of the happy endorphins released.  If you don’t believe me or think I am absolutely crazy, just look what the Bible and Dr. Oz say:

 1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Here is a quote from Dr. Oz from an article by Claire Connors Dr. Oz: 5 Tips for Lasting Love, Health, and Happiness. Link to Shape Magazine Article

5. Get PhysicalAnd that’s where the sex comes in. “My prescription for sex…” Dr. Oz begins, “...is to have it as often as possible!” finishes Lisa, laughing. The Ozes strongly believe in keeping the home fires burning brightly. In fact, says Lisa, “that’s a perfect metaphor. It’s much harder to reignite a flame once it’s dead. You have to make intimacy a regular part of your life.” So how often does the doctor recommend a couple get busy? “Two to three times a week,” he says. (Lisa says six, but who’s counting?) Besides the pleasure factor, says Dr. Oz, “sex helps you live longer. It’s been scientifically proven that twice a week equals three more years of life.” ’Nuff said!

Lastly, what I truly discovered on my birthday was that I never have to feel alone even when I'm by myself. God’s Spirit lives within me and I can take Him with me wherever I go. He is even willing to go with me to the Spa and hang out by the pool.  He is excellent company and does not judge me in my bathing suit. 

The good news is that Jesus longs to hang out with you too.  If you feel alone, invite Jesus to come live within your heart through the Holy Spirit.  Jesus said: 

Revelation 3:20 (NLT)

²⁰ “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

Jesus will be your best friend and the great thing about His friendship is that it never fades and never grows old.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  He only sees the good in you and loves you just the way you are. He wants to spend time with you, talk to you, laugh and cry with you, embrace and love you.  So what do you say, are you ready to open the door and invite Him in?  I hope so.

Love,

Yolanda

Jesus' Holy Hug - Testimony P2

Have you heard the story of the young boy who had a nightmare and called out for his dad?  Dad tried to comfort his son by telling him that Jesus loved him and would never leave him but when dad tried to leave the room the son called out, “Dad stay. I know that Jesus loves me but right now I need someone with skin.”  I have always related to that young boy because even though I know logically in my mind that God loves me and I can quote you scriptures telling me that that is true I have desperately longed to feel Jesus’ love in a tangible way. I have prayed to feel His loving embrace.  Today, I want to shout from the mountaintops that I got my divine Holy Hug.

You see, I scheduled a divine appointment with God for Thursday, December 27^th at 1:00 p.m. My friend Tammy had arranged for me to meet with the ministry leader of AgapeHeart Ministries, Jerry, who God has blessed with the gifts of intercessory prayer and healing through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Three years ago, Tammy prayed with Jerry and had a powerful experience.  That day in October 2009, Tammy felt like the Lord had given her a message for me and she wanted me to go pray with Jerry. Unfortunately, I was not ready or willing to receive the message. (See Testimony P1)

Now, three years later, I was ready and excited to go.  I kept my expectations low knowing my past history on expecting big signs and wonders and being disappointed.  So I prepared myself for just meeting a great ministry leader and getting some prayer and direction for my writing.  The Sunday before my appointment, I prepared my heart by confessing any and all sins that may hinder me hearing from God and I asked Jesus to cover me with His blood so that I could come before God under Jesus’ righteousness.      

   

When I showed up, I was blessed to meet Jerry who is so filled with God’s love that it just exudes from him.  He encouraged me with scripture and wisdom on God’s love and reassured me that God loves me and wants to use me in spite of my shortcomings and weaknesses.  As you know from my past writings, I struggle with doubt and feelings of unworthiness in sharing God’s word because I know my daily battle with my sin nature and that sometimes that sin nature wins over my good intentions.  Jerry prayed over me and baptized me in the power of the Holy Spirit. Now before you guys get all weird on me, baptism of the Holy Spirit is completely biblical.  Just look in the first two chapters of The Book of Acts.     

Acts 1 (NLT) The Promise of the Holy Spirit

³ During the forty days after his crucifixion, he appeared to the apostles from time to time, and he proved to them in many ways that he was actually alive. And he talked to them about the Kingdom of God.

⁴ Once when he was eating with them, he commanded them, “Do not leave Jerusalem until the Father sends you the gift he promised, as I told you before. ⁵ John baptized with water, but in just a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”

 ⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Acts 2: 1-4

On the day of Pentecost all the believers were meeting together in one place.  Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them.  And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit…

After we prayed, I really didn't feel any different.  I was not disappointed like I usually am when I have my expectations too high.  I figured that I would just accept the gift on faith and I felt at peace and content.  Right before Tammy and I were about to leave, a young man drove up for prayer.  Jerry proceeded to inform him that Tammy and I had just been powerfully filled with the Spirit and that I was going to pray for him. WHAT? ME?  UUHHHH? I DON”T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M DOING? I PRAY TERRIBLE OUT LOUD.  NOOOOOOO!!! OKAY, LORD, IT’S NOW OR NEVER. HELP!

To be honest, I cannot remember a single word I prayed, because I got about two sentences out before I started sobbing and getting boogers on this poor guy's jacket.  Jerry suggested I lay my hand on this young man’s heart and back and reassured me that it did not matter what I said because it was not going to me touching this man’s life but the Holy Spirit flowing through me.  This was to be a baptism of the Holy Spirit’s love and healing.  When my ugly cry finally subsided, Jerry shared with us about the power in a Spiritual Hug from God and that through the Holy Spirit you can actually experience God’s loving embrace in a what I am fondly calling a “Holy Hug”.  Now, I’ll tell you, I consider myself a non-hugger.  My own mother calls me a cold fish; I like my personal space, and have perfected the non-committal side-ways hug. So, you can image for me to be comfortable hugging someone, the Holy Spirit was definitely working in me.  Those that know me personally or have read my posts, you KNOW this does not happen to me.  I over analyze everything to death. I’m a proof seeker. I am a doubting Thomas. But when I embraced Jerry, it was absolutely the most amazing feeling that I have ever experienced. There really are no words sufficient or appropriate enough to describe it.  All I can really say is that I felt God’s love for me. I felt like I was literally embraced by Jesus.  I was overwhelmed, almost flooded in His love. Next, I turned and gave a Holy Hug to this young man and again the boogers and sobbing but it felt powerful.  When I had regained a little of my composure, this young man asked me, “What is your name?”  I told him my name and He said, “Yolanda, God wants you to know that He is proud of you.  Most people have to wait until Heaven to hear those words but you needed to hear them today.”  To say I lost it would be an understatement. I can’t even think or write about that moment without tears coming to my eyes.  I knew that I went expecting to meet God that day but I wasn't sure what I wanted to hear from Him.  God knows our hearts better than we do. He knows that even though I write for Him out of faith I needed to know that He approved, that He knows that I still struggle with sin and my human nature and that He is OK with me writing about His grace and love.  When I think about the fact that He knows all the thoughts that go through my mind, the angry words I think and say, or my selfish acts and HE still said He was proud of me, I am overwhelmed.

I struggled with whether or not to share this experience because it was a very personal moment.  But you know how God had the Israelites build monuments after miracles so that they wouldn't forget. Also, so their children could look upon these monuments and be reminded of God’s goodness. This post is my monument.  So in the future when I fear and doubt or when I feel unworthy or unlovable, I will reread this post and I will remember that God loves me, He has a plan for my life, and that nothing can ever separate me from the love of Christ not even me.

Joshua 4:21-24 (NLT)

²¹ Then Joshua said to the Israelites, “In the future your children will ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ ²² Then you can tell them, ‘This is where the Israelites crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ ²³ For the Lord your God dried up the river right before your eyes, and he kept it dry until you were all across, just as he did at the Red Sea when he dried it up until we had all crossed over. ²⁴ He did this so all the nations of the earth might know that the Lord’s hand is powerful, and so you might fear the Lord your God forever.”

I don’t have this whole baptism of the Holy Spirit thing figured out. Not even close. This year, I am going to start working on figuring it out.  But I am not going to stress if it takes me longer than a year. I need to forgive myself if I make some mistakes in my writing. Some of my writing is going to be inspired and some is just going to be my crazy life.  But God still loves me and that is what I am going to concentrate on. So many other great things happened on December 27^th but I can’t write them all down because it would take too long, some things are just for me, and some memories are fading but the full impact of that day remains in my heart.  Just like the apostle John wrote:

John 21:25 (NLT)

Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.

You’ll just have to take my word for it that it was awesomeJ

Jerry shared this scripture with me and I am going to hide it in my heart:

Romans 5:5 (NLT)

For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

When we are filled with God’s love it will naturally overflow our human hearts and it will impact others for His kingdom’s sake.  It will not be anything special we do. It will be God loving others through us.  Just like the heroes of the Old and New Testament were ordinary men, just like Jerry is an ordinary man, and just like I am an ordinary woman, it is God working through us, through the Holy Spirit, who will do extraordinary things in our lives if we allow Him to.  We just have to not let fear of failure, ridicule, and rejection prevent us from stepping out in faith. 

Matthew 19:26(CEB)

Jesus looked at them carefully and said, “It’s impossible for human beings. But all things are possible for God.”

So my prayer for 2013 is that I don't let fear hold me back because God's perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) and that I am so filled with the Holy Spirit that even if the old “cold-fish, side ways hugger” in me tries the make an appearance, the new “Holy Hugger” in me will knock her down in the race to reach you first.

I'm praying for you too. If you are reading this post and wondering if you could have a Holy Hug, just reach up to your Heavenly Father right where you are. He is telling you today that He loves you with an everlasting love. He wants you to know that nothing you have done or could do, could ever separate you from His love. He rejoices and delights over you. He calls you His own. Ask Him today to fill you with an extra measure of His love through the power of His Holy Spirit because it is through His Spirit that He fills our hearts with his love. Than hug someone today and see how God gives you His hug back. 

Love,

Yolanda

Please be sure to check out the AgapeHeart Minitries website for inspiring devotions and for more information about Jerry's prayer and healing ministry.  AgapeHeart Ministries

God's Calling. Are You Ready? - Testimony P1

This devotion is dedicated to my mentor and friend, Tammy.  I wrote this devotion back in October for my co-workers but I let fear and doubt prevent me from posting it on my blog. It felt too revealing but now I know it's time to share it. It is going to lay the foundation for my next few posts because it is part 1 of my Reborn2Write testimony.  

OCTOBER DEVOTION

Today for my devotion, I was going to cheat and tweak one of my old ones on friendship. I was going to use humor and fluff, which is always easy and safe.  But last night, after I already had my safe devotion prepared, my friend shared this image on Facebook and it inspired me to scrape my safe devotion and write the following:

I felt God wanted me to share how He’s been working in my life these last few years.  If you read my profile you’ll see I started this blog in January 2012 to share my writing.  What most of you don’t know is what it took to get me started on this journey.  A few years ago, I was spiritually stagnating. I was in a really bad place, totally focused on the world.  I was distracted at church and was literally going through the spiritual motions.  I don’t know if any of you have ever been there but it is pretty scary. I knew I was spiritually dying but I couldn't seem to find my way back.  Back in October 2009, while sitting at home, watching my favorite movie, a friend stopped by unexpectedly.  I quickly turned off the TV and I noticed she appeared nervous. Poor Tammy had just received a message from the LORD for me and was pretty much compelled to give it to me.  I say poor Tammy because at the time I wasn't the nice, warm, friendly lady who writes funny posts.  I recall the message was something like, “God wants to do something powerful in your life. He wants to use you.” I’d like to say, I received the message with open arms but NO.  I didn't exactly slam the door in her face but I pretty much slammed it in God’s face.  I was not ready to receive the message. 

But thank God Tammy stepped out in faith. She risked rejection and embarrassment.  For what? To challenge me! To inspire me!  She heard God’s call on my life and knew I was NOT living the best version of myself. 

Soon after, I started writing.  I would start writing my Christmas letter or a personal reflection for my family and then I would get this crazy need to include scripture. Or I would start out writing something totally secular and then it would just slant towards an inspirational message. I couldn't seem to help myself.  Basically, God was using my love of writing to get me back into the Word. I was required to research a scripture so then I was forced to open my Bible.  I would go see a secular movie and I would literally get this impulse to start writing.  As I slowly got back on spiritual track, I was drawn to Tammy again.  I think I had been trying to avoid her because I couldn't be fake around her.  It was as if I knew God had given her spiritual eyes to see right through to my heart. 

God had called her to help me, out of love not judgment.  She started sharing and texting me scripture. Her family was faithfully praying for me.  She kept encouraging me to start a blog and to spread my spiritual wings. I was scared though because writing is very personal.  You are exposing yourself, your faults, your weaknesses. Also, you open yourself up to criticism.  When I decided to take the plunge, I called Tammy and asked her if she would help me set up a blog.  Her response was immediate, “I’ll be right over!”  When we got to the name, Tammy says, “The name is really important. This defines you. This tells the world what you want to share.” Yikes! I panicked.  But she’s so good at keeping me grounded. She says, “Pray about it. Let’s stop. God will give you the name.”  So I prayed and a few days later I called Tammy to get her opinion on the name, “Reborn2Write”. It felt right because I felt like God had reached down into my dying life and rekindled my love for Him through my writing. I felt reborn.  Tammy shared a word she had received from the Holy Spirit about my blog. She said, “Growing into dependence” was somehow connected to my writing.  It took me a few months to figure out the connection but late one night I text Tammy because it just hit me.  If I try and write without depending on God, I struggle with writer’s block and my writing is flat, dead.  But if I completely give my writing over to God and pray for his inspiration and guidance it flows.  Now, I literally have to put on headphones with praise music in order to write.   

But friends, Tammy was just a vessel used by God to speak into my life.  How many of us have also been given a message for a friend or even a stranger and had the faith to listen and follow through? We never know how we could be literally saving someone’s life or soul.  Now you readers know me.  I am FAR, FAR, FAR from being a spiritually perfect Christian.  I struggle with all kinds of sin.  And I often fill my brain with worldly stuff and I get distracted from writing but I no longer hide from friends like Tammy that will lovingly hold me accountable nor do I try to run away from God’s calling in my life.  I was looking for a scripture to go along with this message and I found one that scared me in a good way.

Luke 9:62  Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I have planned for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” 

I know that God has given me a love of writing for His kingdoms sake.  There are a million other writers more talented but I know I am supposed to use this gift because I feel compelled to do it.  I feel alive and joyous when I am writing in flow with the Holy Spirit. I sadly admit to you that I am still lazy when it comes to reading God’s Word and I am ashamed to admit that I neglect my prayer life, even though I know there is great power and comfort in both.  But I have learned my lesson about allowing myself to slip too far away, so when I feel myself becoming distracted and slipping, I plug in my headphones, listen to worship music, and wait for HIS inspiration.

I decided to share this with you now because on December 27, 2012, God confirmed Tammy's message she received for me three years ago in a powerful way. (read Jesus' Holy Hug - Testimony P2) I have to say that without a doubt that day was one of the best days if not the best day of my life. God called me three years ago but I wasn't ready to listen.  The great thing about God is that He doesn't give up on us.  He has a plan for us and He is so patient, gracious and loving that He will wait for us.  I share this to encourage you that if you feel lost and like you are wandering in the desert, stop and listen, because God is calling you. It may be a friend that stops by unexpectedly, it may be something you read on Facebook, maybe a dream, God knows exactly what it is that your heart needs to hear his voice. 

So this is my new year's challenge to myself:

2 Peter 1:3-9 (NLT) Growing in Faith

By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.  We have received all of this by coming to know Him, the one who called us to Himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.  And because of His glory and excellence, He has given us great and precious promises.  These are the promises that enable you to share His divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.  In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.  The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in you knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But those who fail to develop in this ware are shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be shortsighted or blind.   God wants to use us if we will just take those baby steps of faith.  You don’t have to change yourself into something you’re not.  God wants to use us just as we are.  If we are open our hearts to HIM, He will work in our lives to prune the areas that need pruning and He will sprout blossoms of fruit for His Glory. 

Hebrews 13:20-21 (GNT)

God has raised from death our Lord Jesus, who is the Great Shepherd of the sheep as the result of His blood, by which the eternal covenant is sealed. May the God of peace provide you with every good thing you need in order to do His will, and may He, through Jesus Christ, do in us what pleases him. And to Christ be the glory forever and ever! Amen.

So WHO are you called to inspire?

Who needs you to LOVINGLY challenge them to hear God’s call on their lives?

Who are you supposed to help be the best version of what God has called them to be?

Think about it.

Love,

Yolanda