The morning of my birthday, my husband suggested that I go
to a nearby Resort and Spa for a massage and to hang out by the pool. We love
it there and they have a great birthday deal where you get in for free on your
actual birthday. You can enjoy all the pools, hot tubs, slather yourself with
mud, sit in stinky mineral water if you want to smell like rotten eggs, and
generally pamper yourself all day. He
gifted me the money for a massage and told me to call my girlfriends and see if
they would be up for a spontaneous trip to the spa. Well, after calling all of my friends on my contact list, low and
behold, not a single friend would drop everything to spend the day with me. How
rude! As I am wallowing in self-pity, my husband says, “Go alone. How often
does your actual birthday fall on a Saturday? How often is it 80 degrees and
sunny in January?" TRUE. But could I do it? Would I be brave enough
to go spend the entire day at a resort by myself?
In my teens, I never went anywhere alone. I felt like a major “frump girl”. I was shy and fearful
of everything.
From 18 to my early 20s, I relied on my friends for courage.
I would literally hide behind my more outgoing friends. My chunky adolescent weight had finally
settled into more advantageous curves but even with the best figure I will
probably ever have, there was no confidence to go along with it. There was a
reason why my friends always got asked to dance while I watched the
purses. Why my friends voted me last to
get married and why I loving referred to my dating life as the “two date curse”
because I rarely got a second date.
In my 30s, the little confidence I gained in my 20s
disappeared as I struggled with losing the pregnancy weight. I felt like “frump girl” all over again.
I craved alone time but as a new mom all the “me” time was usually
accompanied by guilt. I refer to this
decade as my “lost” period. I lost
sleep, gained weight, had some crazy boy haircut, and misplaced my sex drive.
But something wonderful happened when I turned 40. I found all those things that I misplaced,
much to my husbands delight. I learned
to be comfortable with my body. Chunky
can be pretty sexy if you stop buying your underwear in bulk. I learned to see
the humor in life’s experiences and not take everything so personally. My little Edward Cullen crush brought out my
inner teenager, which made me feel young again and in reminiscing about young
love I fell head over heels in love with my husband again. Also, I rediscovered
the joy of reading, which set the foundation for my love of writing. And at 43, I finally discovered God’s
calling and purpose for my life. So, I
am looking forward to what God has in store for me in my 44th
year.
But if I could go back in time, I would love to sit my young self down and tell her a few things I have learned to appreciate in my 40s. It may have saved her a few tears, jeers, and wasted years:
- At 13: Just because you like 501 jeans that does not give you permission to wear them for your entire freshman year.
- At 15: Listen to your mother when she tries to politely steer you away from the big, puffy, white party dress into a simple a-line dress. She just may know what she is talking about and she is trying to save you from looking like a big, Mexican snowball.
- At 18: Don’t settle and give your first kiss away to someone not worthy. You only have one “first kiss” and it should be saved for someone special.
- At 21: Your heart will recover from first love’s heartbreak and you will get down on your knees and thank your Heavenly Father for saving you from someone who was not best for His daughter. God had already selected someone perfect for you who would be worth the wait.
- At 26: Thank your mother for the best advice ever, “Don’t give the milk away for free or they won’t buy the cow.” She saved you from years of pain and regret. Not to mention that I truly believe this advice laid the foundation for a blessed marriage.
- At 30: Do not start buying discount underwear in bulk. It will take you a full decade to recover and get your sexy back.
- Don’t walk through life looking down. Make eye contact. Pray for God to give you His eyes for humanity so that you can see people the way God sees and loves them.
- Don’t be afraid to make conversation. People need to feel validated and encouraged. Pray God gives you discernment to know who needs to hear about His unfailing love and that He provides you with His perfect words to touch their heart for His kingdom’s sake.
- Give Holy Hugs generously releasing God’s love through the Holy Spirit because people are desperately seeking a touch from God.
- Invest your life in others. The return on your investment will be amazing friendships.
- Be brave and courageous knowing that you can do all things through Christ that gives you strength.
- Trust God with your whole life: your dreams, choices, relationships, pains and disappointments. He is trustworthy and He has better plans for your life than you could possible dream for yourself.
- Laugh with your husband every day because laughter has healing power to erase past hurts and misunderstandings.
Proverbs 15:13 (MSG)
A
cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get
through the day.
- OK, young Yolanda, don't hate me for this last bit of advice but have sex with your spouse 2-3 times a week even if you’re tired, grumpy or feeling chunky. It will keep you emotionally connected to your spouse and you’ll both sleep betterJ I learned after many needless arguments that intimacy brings that healing laughter into your marriage because of the happy endorphins released. If you don’t believe me or think I am absolutely crazy, just look what the Bible and Dr. Oz say:
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Here is a quote from Dr. Oz from an article by Claire Connors Dr. Oz: 5 Tips for Lasting Love, Health, and Happiness. Link to Shape Magazine Article
5. Get PhysicalAnd that’s where the sex comes in. “My prescription for sex…” Dr. Oz begins, “...is to have it as often as possible!” finishes Lisa, laughing. The Ozes strongly believe in keeping the home fires burning brightly. In fact, says Lisa, “that’s a perfect metaphor. It’s much harder to reignite a flame once it’s dead. You have to make intimacy a regular part of your life.” So how often does the doctor recommend a couple get busy? “Two to three times a week,” he says. (Lisa says six, but who’s counting?) Besides the pleasure factor, says Dr. Oz, “sex helps you live longer. It’s been scientifically proven that twice a week equals three more years of life.” ’Nuff said!
Lastly, what I truly discovered on my birthday
was that I never have to feel alone even when I'm by myself. God’s Spirit lives within me and I can take
Him with me wherever I go. He is even willing to go with me to the Spa and hang
out by the pool. He is excellent
company and does not judge me in my bathing suit.
The good news is that Jesus longs to hang out with you
too. If you feel alone, invite Jesus to come live within your heart through the Holy Spirit.
Jesus said:
Revelation
3:20 (NLT)
20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and
open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.
Jesus will be your best friend and the great thing about His
friendship is that it never fades and never grows old. He will never leave you or forsake you. He only sees the good in you and loves you
just the way you are. He wants to spend
time with you, talk to you, laugh and cry with you, embrace and love you. So what do you say, are you ready to open
the door and invite Him in? I hope so.
Love,
Yolanda
Great Job!!!!! from Jerry
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