Motherhood....Seriously, I Think It's Going To Kill Me

This week my daughter is trying to sabotage all of my attempts at improving my mothering skills.  First thing Monday morning, someone accidentally trips her in PE and she hurts her knee. I am lucky (sometimes) to work at the same school she attends. She limped into my classroom, moaning about her hurt knee and my first reaction was, “How bad can it be?” You see my daughter, like most 10 year old girls, has a tendency to dramatize the situation.  Well, she pulled up her pant leg and showed me the ugliest bruise I'd ever seen.

OK, I admit it looked pretty bad. I gave her a pat on the back and made her go back to class. What could I do, I was in the middle of working?  I felt terrible. I swear it is one of the hardest mom jobs trying to diagnose the severity of an illness or injury. Especially, if your child acts like she is dying when a tooth is loose, she has to go poop, or she doesn't want to do her homework.

Also, being nurturing during an illness or having a sympathetic bedside manner are not my strong points.  I grew up as a  latch key kid because my parents worked. In the 4th grade, I had to lock up the house and walk myself to school.  You went to school whether you were sick, had a hurt leg, or it was raining. I remember this one time, I had to walk to school in a down pour.  It didn't even occur to me to stay home because my job was to go to school. So off I went until I reached a huge flooded ditch that I had to cross.  I took a flying leap. You can guess what happened. I landed right on my bum in the middle of the water.  I was half way to school but did I turn back? NO!  I cried myself all the way to school and sat in class in wet clothes. So, forgive me if I am under the impression that unless your knee is popping out sideways or you have blood gushing out, you sit in class and study.

Also, I may have more sympathy for my daughter if I didn't fear the pile of homework she brings home if she misses school. Did I mention the whining, complaining, and acting like her life is over. I totally struggle with this attitude because I couldn't stand getting less than an A in school.  I was a chubby kid, had straight flat hair that always looked greasy, and had the absolute worst taste in clothes, so my grades were the only thing going for me.  My daughter, on the other hand, prefers sports to class work, has a cool sense of style, and has luckily inherited my husbands metabolism so she is perfectly OK with just getting by on her report card.  This just kills me!

I am trying to be better about detecting the severity of injury or illness through the maze of drama because in January what I presumed to be the flu ended up being pneumonia.  Before you condemn me, I kept her out of school for three days. I was starting to panic about the missed school so when she no longer had a fever, she went back.  To be on the safe side, I took her to the doctor.  The doctor proceeded to inform me that my daughter had pneumonia and needed to have an emergency chest x-ray. As my daughter is bent over getting her first shot of antibiotics in the bum, she is giving me the death look saying, “I told you I was still sick.”  SORRY!  

So last month, when she sprained her finger playing dodge ball, my first reaction was to go the Mexican route and wrap it with two Popsicle sticks and tape and call it a day.  Well it started to turn purple and people were giving her the "poor you” look so I decide to take her to the doctor. Sure enough the doctor put on the equivalent of the Popsicle stick remedy and made me take her for an x-ray. It ended up being slightly sprained. So basically, the doctor recommended keeping the Popsicle sticks on for 3 days and she was good to go.  Now the insurance company has still not paid the bill because they want to make sure it is not a liability issue verses your typical kid injury. This kills me!

So you can see my dilemma with the knee.  I know it looks bad but is it doctor bad. I am icing it and giving her Aleve which my friends with children in sports have recommended.  If you ask my daughter, she claims it is burning and she is using her rolling desk chair as a wheel chair around the house.  Yet when her cousins came over to visit her yesterday because I kept her home from school, she wanted to play outside. So pray for us, because I seriously don’t know this time.  My mom had an old cure that involved rubbing a cold egg all over our body but I think that was for a fever.  I will probably be taking her to the doctor after my friend’s recommendation of 72 hours of ice and Aleve. They will probably send me for an x-ray where they tell me it is just bruised and it will be another insurance claim I am trying to negotiate.

Man, this mothering thing is so exhausting and stressful.  To top off our day, we show up late to school because my daughter is hobbling around looking for stretch pants to wear and complaining about going to school. She gets a tardy. As I'm making a mad dash for my classroom, I yell out a reminder for her to order hot lunch. I am finally in the sanctuary of my classroom when she hobbles in saying,“We forgot I had a field trip today. I need a sack lunch and I leave in 45 minutes.”  SERIOUSLY!

I had to run home to pick up tennis shoes needed for the field trip. Tennis shoes that I had recommended that morning but she refused insisting her knee would hurt less in soft boots. Then to Subway to get her a sandwich sack lunch. At Subway, I ask if they have a nicer bag so I can camouflage what a terrible mother I am and, of course, they don't. Luckily, I find an old Valentine gift bag in my car to act as her lunch bag (and my husband wants me to clean out my car, PLEASE). So, finally she is in tennis shoes, has a lunch, promises she won't over due, and she is off with 10 minutes to spare!

All I can think, as I hobble back to my peaceful preschool class, is "How do mothers with more than one child do it? This one is killing me!"  So I thought of the scripture that is going to have to become Luci's life verse:

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8. (NLT)

I love her more than my own life and I hope she knows this because I will need her love to cover a multitude of my mistakes and sins.  We are in this mother/daughter thing together and we must give grace to one another.  At least I don't have to worry about her ever calling me a phony perfectionist because she sees me at my wits end, calling out to Jesus saying, “Please, Jesus help me figure this out!"

Tonight, as I am kind of in a daze writing for therapy, I keep going back to reevaluate the knee. I poke at it, ice it, and pray over it. She suddenly looks at me and says, “Mom, are you OK?”  I tell her straight out, “I am just worried about your knee.” She tells me, “It’s OK. It is starting to feel better.” I think she knew that is exactly what I needed to hear!

Pray for me because seriously, I think motherhood is going to kill me.
Love,
Yolanda

Poem I wrote for my daughter's 10th birthday:

Luci you're ten.

What a journey it’s been.

When you were born, dad and I didn’t have a clue.

Mom went a little nuts and dad sure as heck didn’t know what to do.

I worried and fussed about how much you ate,

Anything to get you and I to sleep at the same time and date.

See dad and I tend to overreact and stress

We get flustered and end up with a big ugly mess.

We holler and we yell

Cause we’re so afraid to fail.

We wisely chose to have only you

Knowing it would take working together

To give you your due.

God formed you in my womb 

With gifts that you’ll need

To survive not only us

But to flourish with ease.

Luci you are braver than most girls should be

You wont let fear stop you from seeing all you should see.

You are funny and joyful and take life’s struggles in stride.

When most others would be bashful and prefer to hide.

You love and forgive better than most others do.

Jesus has taken root in your heart and

Will show you what’s true.

Mom and dad are imperfect and can only do our best

I’m sure as you grow you will put our faith to the test.

We’ll pray and direct you that best that we can

But rely on God, for He has a plan.

Luci as you grow follow your heart

Pray for God’s wisdom that will be a good start.

Remember we love you no matter where God leads

We’ll be proud and rejoice in all of your deeds.