Good Friends Know When To Shut Up!

Painting by Luci, my 10 year old daughter. "Friends come in all styles and sizes"

Today stunk!  You know those days when you wake up expecting an awesome day. You've stepped on the scale and lost a couple pounds, you're having a good hair day, and your jeans have a little breathing room. Then before you know it, it all goes down hill.  It wasn't a major catastrophe, I simply got my feelings hurt. Just one of those small stabs to the heart where you literally feel as if your heart is being squeezed.

What really annoys me is that I don’t handle these situations well.  I get all teary eyed which totally ticks me off because I get the ugly blotchy face when I cry. Then my nose gets all runny and I end up wiping my boogers on my sleeve like one of my preschoolers because I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I’m upset.  I was able to keep it together though because I immediately went into self-defense mode in which I attempt to not feel anything. Then I start contemplating the necessity of friendship. Do I really need it? I have my hubby, my daughter and my Chihuahua who have to love me….most of the time.

I have learned from experience that when days like this happen, it is best to listen to worship music.   So I put my phone in my pocket and played my favorite praise songs. There is something divinely healing about praise music.  Soon I felt the pain in my chest begin to ease and the ice around my heart begin to thaw.  I also remembered my Bible study on Job from last night.  You see, Job had three friends who came to see him when he was at his lowest. He had lost all his family, his possessions and he was inflicted with horrendous physical ailments. He had been reduced to living in the trash dump on a pile of ashes.  At first, the friends were sensitive to his plight and sat by him in silence for 7 days. (Job 2)  Then, like most of us, they couldn't keep their mouth shut. They started giving wrong advice, criticizing, judging, and basically they forgot how to be compassionate.  They wanted him to confess to a sin he hadn't committed and to snap out of it.

After my daughter was born, I suffered from postpartum depression. I was not familiar with this condition so I did not know why I was waking up crying every morning.  My family and friends also had no experience in this area so no one knew how to help. All I remember is calling family and friends early in the morning overwhelmed, fatigued, and feeling desperately unable to care for an infant.  Soon my friends got tired of the early morning calls and informed me I needed to "snap out of it".  So, I stopped calling.  I would go look in the bathroom mirror and say, “Snap out of it!”  Well, needless to say, this did not work.  Not only was I depressed, now I was isolated.  Luckily, moms are sometimes God’s appointed angels here on earth and my mom recognized a daughter in crisis and got me help. I consider this period in my life a blessing (now that it over) because it has made me more compassionate to those who suffer from depression.

Most of the time, I try to remember that being a good friend doesn't mean I have to solve the problem, even though I want to. I just need to keep myself available. Today I was reminded that sometimes it is better to keep silent.  It is better to pray and watch for opportunities to lighten a friend's burden by actions not words.

I decided I needed a refresher course on being a good friend so I opened my Bible to remind myself how Jesus handled his friendships. For three years, Jesus invested all of his time and energy into his disciples.  He loved, protected, and prayed for them.  Jesus said, “I have given myself completely for their sake, so that they may belong completely to the truth.”  John 17: 19 (CEV)

The disciples also loved Jesus but even with his influence, they were still human.  Sometimes we can love our friends yet still let them down. On the night Jesus was to be arrested, he told three of his disciples, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” When Jesus returned from praying, he found his friends asleep. Jesus was disappointed and asked, “Couldn't you men keep watch with me for one hour?”  Mathew 26:38-40 (NIV)
Poor Jesus, his night went from bad to worse. Later a friend betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver, another friend denied him three times, and most of his friends abandoned him on the way to the cross. When Jesus hung on the cross as payment for our sins, it was not in front of a grateful crowd. Instead, the crowd mocked, cursed and taunted him. Yet in that moment, Jesus still loved them. One of Jesus' last statements on the cross was, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34 (NKJV)

Jesus showed us perfect friendship and expected us to follow his example. He said, “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13 (NLT) Most of us are not going to have to take a bullet for a friend or throw ourselves in front of a bus.  But another way to look at “laying down your life” can be placing your friend's needs before your own.  Do you remember the Golden Rule, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  I think I should change that rule to “Treat others BETTER than I want to be treated.”  This is not going to be easy because even if I am a Christian, I still struggle with my selfish and sinful nature. It is no coincidence that my daughter’s memory verse for this week is Ephesians 4:32 “Be gentle with one another, sensitive, forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”

So my prayer for tomorrow is "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)  Help me to be a better friend and to love others like you love them. Amen


Beautiful Praise Song, "Unfailing Love" by Chris Tomlin

Praise song, "You Raise Me Up" showing Jesus praying on the night he was betrayed