I am also dedicating this devotion to my daughter who through no fault of her own is an only child and the recipient of all my “brilliant” ideas and attempts at motherhood. Luckily, the Lord has blessed her with graciousness (a merciful and compassionate nature) beyond her years and a wonderful sense of humor. Trust me, she needs it.
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| Mother's Day Tea, May 2006 |
I believe God gives us the gift of motherhood because it helps cure the condition called selfishness. The dictionary defines selfish as “devoted to or caring only for oneself”. We are born selfish creatures, it is part of our sinful nature. Motherhood does not cure us of selfishness but it definitely puts it to the test. When you bring your baby home, you as mom are the primary caretaker, regardless of how supportive your husband is. It is the way God made us. Research shows that “a mother is biologically programmed to give a nurturing response to her newborn’s cries and not to restrain herself.” Upon hearing her baby cry, the blood flow to a mother’s breast increases, accompanied by a biological urge to pick up and nurse. Breastfeeding causes a surge in prolactin, a hormone that forms the biological basis of the term mother’s intuition. Is God awesome or what? But just because God has prepared us physically for the challenge, we still require additional help for the monumental responsibility entrusted to us to raise a successful human being.
While struggling with this topic I came across a scripture that scared the daylights out of me. Ezekiel 16:44 says, “As is the mother, so is the daughter”. Does that mean my daughter is destined to be like me? Do I want her to be like me? Am I like my mom?
One of my mom’s greatest attributes is her selflessness. My mom had a rough time in the early part of her marriage. She worked multiple jobs to keep a roof over our head and was the primary disciplinarian in our household. Her greatest gift to her daughters was her desire and STRICT expectation that we be better off than she was. She wanted us educated, hard working and with a healthy dose of self-respect. Her other attribute is her fierce protectiveness. My mom single handedly got rid of two bullies threatening my sister and I and a mean boyfriend. I found out years later that while I was out with friends she informed said boyfriend that I was getting married. Good thing I was destined to later meet and marry my husband who my mother whole heartedly approved of.
One of the first times I saw my own fierce mother-bear revealed was when my daughter was in Kindergarten. You know how girls always struggle in groups of three. Well with these girls, my daughter was always the one left out. I actually changed schools because it was getting so bad. Unfortunately one of the girls she was closest to followed us to the new school. During the first week of school, both girls were new so they were best friends again. Alas, during week two, the girl started tormenting her again. Now you may think I was overreacting but one of the yard aides told me that is was pretty bad and that my daughter was in tears at lunch every day. OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!!! I tried to reason with my daughter about the importance of meeting new friends, not to willingly expose herself to ridicule and rejection but she refused to play with any one else. So here was my solution. I told her, “I will give you a dollar every day you play with someone new. I will confirm this with the yard aide at the end of every day.” Well, I am glad to inform you that by the end of the week, she had made $5 and a new friend! Is this great parenting? I don’t know but it worked.
If you look at some of the moms in the bible, you will find strict protectors of their children. For example, Moses mom hid and protected him for the first three months of his life from death by the Pharaoh. She then put him in a basket in the river so that Pharaoh’s daughter could save him and raise him. She not only protected her son at all costs but she also made the ultimate sacrifice of giving him up for his own good.
I, like my mom, desire that my daughter be better off than me. Oh, I don’t care about material possessions, or gifted sports scholarships, or even academic excellence. Believe me these things have their place. What I want for my daughter is the following:
I pray that her relationship with Jesus be her own. I was saved when I was 20 years old so I have that pivotal moment where I claimed Jesus’ salvation and forgiveness, when the realization set in that I was “lost and then found”. My daughter, on the other hand, has been raised in a Christian home so I have always feared she would take Jesus’ salvation message for granted. That it would be head knowledge but not a heart felt one. The way I have combated this (and I pray to God that I am doing it right) is by being genuine and honest with her about my own sin nature and struggles. She sees me as a flawed mom, a sinner saved by Grace. I make sure to apologize to her if I make mistakes and we have meaningful conversations about the fact that being a Christian doesn’t make you perfect just forgiven.
For example, here’s another one of my great parenting moments. I picked up my daughter from school one day and she asked if I would take her to get her lip waxed. Ok, she’s in third grade so I gently asked her, “WHY?” Well she immediately burst into tears. It seems some boy in her class made a very mean joke about her having a mustache. Now, I know you all think I had a great Christian moment, about “turn the other cheek” and all that but….sadly no. My exact words were, “Ok, give me something, every one has a flaw, big nose, buck teeth, something. We’ll make a joke about him so that he stops picking on you.” Guess what my daughter told me, “Mom, that’s not nice. I don’t want to be mean too.” See great teachable lesson. Only I was the one receiving the lesson not her. So as we drove straight to the salon, we laughed as she wiped away her tears and I told her how proud I was because in that moment, she was the better Christian. I ask you, is this great parenting? I don’t know but it worked.
As moms, I think the hardest part of the job is that we want to protect our children from this world’s hurts and struggles. We want what is best for them. As moms, we literally feel our child’s pain and tears. A lot of times, we focus on Mary’s courage giving birth to her son, Jesus, when everyone around her thought she had cheated on Joseph and was a fornicator. I think Mary’s greatest challenge was having to stand by that cross and watch her son suffer and die.
I think to be successful moms we have to find the balance between over protectiveness and letting them live their own lives. It is our job to lay the foundation of their upbringing on Jesus and His word. We must model for them authentic Christianity. Showing our children our weakness and struggles, not phony hypocritical Christians who live one thing yet preach another. If my daughter sees me struggle but also sees me give those struggles to Jesus, she will know what to do when she struggles. She will also know that Jesus forgives me and will know that He will also forgive her. If we can do this, then at some point we have to let them go. Our children need to discover their own God given gifts and divine path that God has for them. Just like Hannah who gave her three year son Samuel to Eli to train for priesthood and said “Now I am giving him to the LORD, and he will belong to the LORD his whole life.” 1 Samuel 1:28 (NLT). We may have one dream for our children but God has another. We have to be obedient to God when that time comes and trust that we have done our part and that God will do his. Because if we try to control their destiny, we will end up like Rebekah. She became a frustrated heartbroken mother because she caused hostility between her twin sons. She tried to force Jacob’s destiny by fooling her husband into giving Jacob Esau’s blessing. (Genesis 27)
God made every mom unique. We each have our own gifts and personalities. I can’t parent like you and you can’t parent like me. I think that’s the way God wants it. He made me with this incredible wit and dry sense of humor (Ha Ha) and I use it every day in my parenting style. This wouldn’t work with every child. But my daughter comes from my body and was given a measure of my genes so she gets me. Just like your kids get you. As moms, let’s not compare ourselves to others and definitely don’t listen to the world’s view on motherhood because the world is doing a great job at destroying our children. Follow your own God given instincts and give yourself a break when you mess up. Trust me, my mom made some mistakes (just a few, because she reads every one of my devotions), but I still love and respect her. And as the years go by, I tend to remember the great things with appreciation and wonder and the bad things with loving humor and the wisdom that comes with age where I can see her good intentions behind the mistakes. I pray that one day my daughter feels the same way about me.
So this is my prayer this Mother’s Day:
Lord Jesus, forgive me for my mistakes I will make along the way in my parenting. Give my child sufficient grace to see my good intentions, even if sometimes I stumble through the process. Protect my child from the enemy’s clutches in these last days. Help me, through your Holy Spirit, to use the gifts you have bestowed upon me, my unique personality and every aspect of my being to be a good role model for my child. Show me the unique gifts you have blessed my child with so that I can encourage her to use them and grow and mature in the Spirit. And lastly, fill our home with laughter and love and understanding for one another.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Happy Mother's Day to all you ladies who feel overwhelmed at times with the enormity of the responsibility entrusted to us to raise these precious gifts from God. Cast your cares and burdens on Jesus, the true Master of parenting, who is more than capable of handling them for us. "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19 (NIV)
Love,
Yolanda
Love,
Yolanda
PS: My daughter asked my to link Taylor Swift's song, Never Grow Up because she thought it fit this devotion perfectly.
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