Maybe "Taking A Break" wasn't such a good idea...

Remember the mess Ross got into when he thought he was on a break from his girlfriend, Rachel, on Friends? Out of depression from what he considered a break up, he got together with someone else and ended up paying the consequences for several years as he was separated from the woman he loved.  If you haven’t realized it yet, I tend to view my life as an episode from a TV sitcom or a scene from a movie.  What can I say, I was a chubby, latch key kid and TV characters became my friends. I tend to escape with them into my brain which I consider my “happy place”.

Sometimes we may think that taking a break is just what we need but if we are not careful a break can end up getting us into trouble.  For instance, this last week was Spring break and my daughter and I were free from all responsibilities, like work and homework for 10 glorious days.  On Friday, April 6th, my brain was still in work mode and functioning and I was able to write my Easter devotion.  After posting it though I felt fatigued and mentally drained. I remember thinking, “OK, I’m done for April.  I am going to take a mental break and relax.” So I pulled out my Breaking Dawn DVD and my romance novels and let my brain go to mush.  To tell you the truth, it felt really, really, good!   On the last weekend before school started, my laziness had spread to my husband and daughter and we literally spent Saturday and Sunday in bed watching TV.  I joked with my husband that we are lucky we did not get bed sores from lack of activity.  Talk about lazy, we took it to a whole new level.

During this week off, I did manage to watch a great DVD series that a friend had lent me on learning how to hear the voice of God by Mark Virkler. (Four Keys to Hearing God's Voice by Mark & Patti Virkler)  I was totally inspired by this Bible study material and figured that as soon as I got back into work mode I would put it into practice.  One of the great things that I learned from this bible instruction is that God’s voice comes to us as those spontaneous thoughts we get in our brain.  For the last 20 years of being saved, I have always worried that I could not clearly hear the voice of God.  I thought something was seriously wrong with my Christian walk. This Bible study was so great because suddenly a light bulb went off about my writing.   Mark Virkler is a very analytic person, which I love, and he gives you four keys to practice to hear God‘s voice.  Now this was something I could understand and work with. One of his major points in that you have to quiet yourself down so that you can receive spontaneous thoughts and then you record them in a journal.  I had that AHA moment because this explained what had been happening to me with my writing. For example, when I went to the movies to see The Hunger Games and all of a sudden I got this crazy impulse to start writing, that was about as spontaneous as you can get.  As I watched the DVDs, I got all teary eyed because after all these years of desperately wanting to hear from God it became crystal clear that I had been hearing from Him I just hadn't recognized it as His Voice.

So now my vacation mode is over and I am thinking to myself, “OK God, I’m ready. Speak to me.” The DVD also recommended asking God for dreams at night.  So for the last few nights, I have been praying, “OK Lord, I’m ready for an awesome dream.”  Suddenly, I am getting nothing. No inspiration. No dreams. Just nothing.  Now I am starting to panic because for a writer, nothing quickly turns into writer’s block. Writer’s block leads to all levels of doubt and stress about never writing again which I confessed to a writer friend of mind who had suffered from the same Spring Break mush brain curse only she was able to work through hers. (Jessica M. Bell's blog Ready, Set, Run!)

Now logically, I know that God loves me and He wants to use me so I started to analyze where I had gone wrong from my DVD instruction.  Had I missed a key? Oh yeah, I think Key 1 was pretty important. I have to quiet myself in the presence of the Lord.  Had I done this? No. Too busy watching movies all day. Had I read my Bible? No.  Too busy with my romance novels remember. Had I immersed myself in prayer or praise music? No. I have been taking that afternoon nap.

See hearing God’s voice is a two-way communication. He is probably looking down at me saying, “OK, Yolanda, I’m waiting.  Are you ready to have a conversation with me? Are you listening? Have you put down that romance novel yet because MY book is getting a little dusty on your shelf.   How many times are you going to watch that movie….I am trying to give you that awesome dream you're asking for but your mind is so cluttered with junk I don’t think your brain could handle it.”

SORRY Lord.  I do want to hear your voice.  I want to dream the dreams YOU have in store for me.  I want YOUR inspiration and direction in my life and writing.  

This weekend I am going to a women’s retreat with my church. I have not been to a retreat in probably seven years.  But I feel that God has something in store for me this weekend and I am ready to go and spend the weekend with HIM.  I want to quiet my mind and open my heart to hear from God.   These are my prayers for this weekend.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try and figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track…Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.     

1 Peter 4:10 (MGS)….Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God’s words; if help, let it be God’s hearty help. That way, God’s bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he’ll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything - encores to the end of time. Oh, yes!

So if you remember, please pray for me.  Driving up a mountain, possible snow, and sleeping in a cabin are not my strong points. I am more of a hotel girl myself.  I know, I know…stop my whining. There are missionaries all over the world that endure hardships every day for Christ.  But in my weak defense, I am just coming off my week of sloth and mush brain.

Love in Christ,
Yolanda