Daddy, Don't Let Me Ride Too Far Ahead...

A friend asked me last week if writing comes easy to me. I had just posted my Valentine’s devotion  and was set to share it with my coworkers and I literally felt like I was having a heart attack. I was surviving off Diet Coke and Bayer Aspirin.  I don’t think Dr. Oz recommends aspirin as a cure all, but I’m Mexican and we kind of fixate on stuff like that. My mom has her Vicks VapoRub, I have my Bayer. Anyways, I shared with my friend how writing devotions can be gut wrenching for me. She was surprised because she told me it seems like the writing just flows.  I explained how the sarcasm and wit come easy, it’s praying that the Holy Spirit guides my writing that gives me panic attacks.

It is dangerous to run ahead of the Lord and worse to go someplace without Him.  Trust me, I’ve been there, done that.  Not fun.  I was in this college class when strangely I was given an opportunity to share the gospel with my fellow students and teacher.  Week after week, different conversations would come up where I could openly share. I was patting myself on the back and I was on a roll.  Only I forgot to take one thing with me into class every time, Jesus.  Did I pray? No. Did I seek His wisdom and strength? No.  On the last day of class, it all ended very badly.  What started off as innocent questions turned into a full on interrogation.  I was literally verbally attacked and through my tears I could see dark images all around me in class.  Remember that scene from the movie, Ghost, when the evil spirits come and claim the bad guy? Well, those are the images I saw in the corners of that classroom.  I was totally freaked and scared to witness for a while after that.

I should have remembered a similar story in the Bible about some Jewish men that thought they could cast out evil spirits just because they were the sons of a priest. They figured it was easy because Paul was doing it.  So they say to the spirits, “Come out in the name of that same Jesus that Paul preaches about.” You can tell by their comment that they did not even know Jesus personally. They figured their “religious” affiliation would do the trick.  Well, you can imagine how they panicked when the evil spirit spoke up and said, “I know Jesus! And I have heard about Paul. But who are you?” The Bible goes on to say that the men were beaten up by the possessed man and had to escape naked and bruised. (Acts 19:13-19)

That is how I felt after class, beaten down. But I learned a very important lesson that day. Never do God’s work for your own sake, to make yourself feel righteous. All our deeds must be empowered by God, directed by God, and for the glory of God. God compares out attempts at righteousness without Him to filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6)

So now, with my writing, I am praying that I stay in God’s will.  I was even nervous about calling my writings “devotions” until I looked up the word in the dictionary. Devotions are described as prayers or worship.  Whew! I figure I am just praying out loud and if you want to pray along with me that’s great.  A friend encouraged me to pray, Ephesians 6:10-18 everyday.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world….Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in time of evil.

So this is what my daily regiment has become:
I put on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.
I put on shoes of peace that come from the Good News of Jesus.
I hold the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.
I put on the helmet of salvation.
And finally, I take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, into every battle.

I am determined to never go into battle without Jesus before me, empty handed and vulnerable again.  But I know myself, this is going to have to be a daily discipline and choice. You see with the excitement of my new Blog, I want to run ahead of Jesus.  I worry about advertising and marketing, should I, shouldn’t I, membership, lack of membership and my biggest frustration, no comments.  My writer friend and I were talking about when you write and no one comments it's disappointing because you feel as if you are talking to yourself.  But then I remembered, I am not talking to myself. These are my conversations with God.  My form of prayer and worship.  Every devotion I write is for me. He is stretching me, molding me, taking me out of my comfort zone.

My daughter brought home a great book from her library about the young artist Akiane (akiane, her life, her art, her poetry by Akiane and Foreli Kramarik).  You have probably seen her divinely inspired paintings of Jesus. The book details how God started using her artwork at the age of 4 and continues to inspire her work to draw others to Himself.  The book, her art and her poetry gave me chills.  God spoke to my heart with this book and reminded me to devote this Blog to Him.  I need to let Him be in control of its' destiny and purpose. I love this quote from Akaine’s mom, “Whenever we tried to move Akiane’s mission forward to help God, the doors were consistently closed. But whenever we stopped pushing them, God opened them up and blessed us. The best opportunities always come through His timing and direction - not ours.”    

So I have decided I want to be like Whoopi Goldberg’s character in Ghost.  Remember how she let Patrick Swayze take over her body to tell Demi Moore how much he loved her. That’s how I want God to use me. I want the Holy Spirit to completely take residence in me and to inspire my thoughts and use my hands to type every word I write.  It’s His message of love to you that He wants to convey not mine. I think I am just here for the comic relief.

I want to end with this image that God placed in my heart of the journey I am on.  It was a picture of my daughter learning to ride her bike.  Her daddy was holding on to the back, running along side and finally watching her pedal on her own.  My "Abba Father" in heaven is teaching me how to ride, holding on to my bike, taking pride in me starting to pedal alone, but He will always be there to ensure I don’t go too far ahead and lose my way and when I stumble and fall, I know He'll pick me up.
And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out,“Abba, Father.” Galatians 4:6 (NLT)

Love in Christ,
Yolanda