Recently I took my daughter to her first concert for the worship band, For King & Country. I'd never heard their music before so I decided to check them out on YouTube. Well, HELLO and what a pleasant surprise: two Aussie brothers and they look like they just walked out of one of my romance novels. I couldn't buy the tickets fast enough…..for my daughter of course. :-)
Well, a few terrible things happened:
- Edward Cullen’s top spot in my list of celebrity crushes has been threatened.
- I discovered that my daughter has unfortunately inherited my celebrity stalker tendencies. As displayed the night of the concert when she rushed the stage and then “photobombed” herself in the autograph booth.
- Their song, “Proof of Your Love” has tortured and plagued me ever since and this painful self-reflection and devotion is the result. Here goes:
It’s all about me, me, me…
And after reading this, none of you will want to hang out with me….
OK, now that I have warned you and got that off my chest…
Did you know that sometimes I feel like a big, fat, liar!
Yep you heard me. I admit it.
Because you see it says in 1 John 4:20 (MSG)
If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.
Did you know that loving people is HARD! It takes work. It requires me to sacrifice my energy, time,
pride, will, and sometimes even worse my money! Pat Benatar was right, “Love is a Battlefield” only sometimes we
are not battling other people as much as we are battling our own selfish flesh.
Take for example the other night, I went over to visit a relative,
with whom I have a touchy relationship, and I told my daughter, “Tonight I am
going to be good. I am going to keep my mouth shut and not bring up anything
controversial. I am going to be loving
and encouraging.” After about ½ an hour, a touchy subject is brought up and what happens, word vomit! I just kept spewing and spewing. On the way home, I felt terrible, really devastated
because I knew I blew it. Why couldn't
I just keep my mouth shut? I tell my
husband and daughter how terrible I feel and my daughter goes, “I know mom, I
kept giving you the look - like what are you doing?” I gave my daughter permission to kick me under the table next
time.
Here’s another recent example, I went to a great conference and it was all about love. It
was titled; All We Need is Love, which is great because I need MORE
love. I was hoping they would have a
class on the “5 Love Languages” because I wanted to triple-check to see if mine was "words of encouragement" since I haven’t felt enough praise lately. I debated taking one of my friends but she’s SOOO needy. She's really struggling and to be honest it's a little bit draining. And conferences are all about MEEEEEE. I wanted to be loved on. I wanted ME time. I didn't want to share all that love. So guess what happened at the conference, she
kept plaguing me. All I thought about was my friend, how every message was
perfect for her, how much I really missed her and how much fun we would have had. It was terrible. She ruined my day and she wasn't even there.
And
just this last weekend I managed to offend someone and I wasn't even trying.
How terrible is that? I made a comment that was misconstrued and I ended up hurting
someone’s feelings. Out of all three
examples, this one was the most heartbreaking because I was completely
blindsided by my offense. My heart literally felt a stab of pain because the
words that came out of my mouth seemed innocent and in no way represented my
heart. So Lord, even when I think I
have my act together I still manage to mess up!
It gets worse. Did you know Jesus says, “All
people will know that you are my followers if you love each other”? John 13:35
(ERV)
LORD, why couldn't it be that people will know we are your
followers if we go to church say, 80% of the time, or we memorize John 3:16 and
maybe even quote it a few times. Or if
we put money in the offering basket when it passes by. I know, how about if we bring Starbucks to
that person who really gets on our nerves instead of just our BFF – shouldn't
that count for something?
OK, OK God…How about if I just love my friends, but maybe
only the ones that don’t bug me, annoy me, or worse ask me to baby sit? That
sounds fair. Because, you know, true
friends know it’s all about ME, ME, ME.
Lord, shouldn't that count for something?
It gets worse! Did you know that God expects us to love our
enemies? I know, crazy isn't it? God,
really, you want me to love the person that just hurt my feelings? The one that just threw me under the
bus? The person that made promises they
didn't keep? How about just a
Starbucks gift card? Shouldn't that count for something?
But no, this is what God says:
Luke 6:27-34 (MSG)To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, gift-wrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back?
These verses are HARD!
Because you know what my first response is when I get hurt, angry, or I
feel unappreciated. My pride rears its’
ugly head and I shut myself off. I
run and hide. I tell myself, “Yolanda, have zero
expectations and you will not get hurt. Stop doing for others because they
don’t reciprocate.”
One thing I learned at the conference is that when we
lash out or react badly it’s because what is spewing from our mouth is what we
have harbored in our hearts. If I am
angry, hurt, or bitter then it is going to come out in my words and actions. I can try to restrain the ugliness by pure
strength of will but I am not strong enough. And you know what, I’m not meant
to be. God knows I am not capable of
loving my friends, much less my enemies, on my own.
Matthew 19:26 (CEB) Jesus looked at them carefully and said, “It’s impossible for human beings. But all things are possible for God.”
The day after the family incident, I am taking my daughter
to school and I am playing this song, Proof of Your Love, on
repeat. My daughter goes, “Mom, why are
you listening to this song over and over after last night?” “Because”, I told my daughter,” this is my
heart’s desire. I don’t want to spew
hate anymore. I don’t want my flesh to win any more. I need this song to speak
to my soul and to convict me!”
The good news is that I am not a liar! If I look back on
1 John 4:20-21 it says:
If anyone boasts, “I love God,”
and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he
is a liar.
When I mess up, I am heartbroken.
It weighs on my heart and spirit.
I don’t consider it nothing. I
consider it sin. But what seems
impossible and overwhelming to me is really possible
when I have God’s Spirit dwelling in me.
Romans 5:5 says, “God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit.” God knows we need His love overflowing our hearts in order to
share that love with others. And when
we love people through the power of God’s Spirit that love looks and feels just
like Jesus’ love (1 Timothy 1:14). How
awesome and life changing is that.
A ministry
leader once lovingly told my sister and I, after investing herself for years as our mentor, that it was time for us to stop ONLY
receiving and to start sharing and teaching.
She told us that if God continued to pour into us, but we didn't pour out
than we become stagnate water, like the Dead Sea. Nothing grows or lives
there. You see God designed and intends us to invest ourselves in others. And
because loving people like God is a sacrificial act of obedience sometimes it
is going to feel like it literally drains us of everything we have.
So if you feel like me sometimes,
like your love tank is empty and you have nothing left to give, it’s time to
fill it up again. Some of us are going to have to stop and fill our tank daily,
hourly, and on some very bad days it will feel like every minute. But expect to get empty again every time you
invest love in others. That is what an
abundant and fruitful life feels like (John 10:10). And that is the kind of life God wants for us. Some of you may be thinking, "Yolanda, I feel so empty that I don't even know if I can go any further." Rest assured, God’s Word (Hebrews 4:16)
tells us come freely and boldly to the throne our gracious God and He promises to
help us in our time of need.
Psalm 42:8 (NLT) But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Lastly, I decided to share this devotion with you so that you can
know my heart. So that when I mess up you will give me grace and forgive
me. Because unfortunately, I am still
trapped in this human body until God calls me home and I am going to
struggle. But each day it is getting a little easier to stop beating
myself up and remember that I was not designed to love others in my own
strength. When I feel myself reacting in the flesh, I am learning to turn
to my Heavenly father who calls me His Masterpiece. I am still a
work-in-process but I am getting there. I have made Galatians 6:9 my life verse
and it is taped to my computer screen. "Let us not get tired of doing what
is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't
give up." This harvest of blessing will NOT come from people and
that is OK. God promises to give us HIS harvest of blessing as our reward for doing the
good work He has called us to.
Love,
I
hope by sharing my heart, I have encouraged you. GOD loves the imperfect. He calls the flawed. He uses the weak. And He desires to use all of us as ambassadors of His love. We
all received His spirit when we got saved but sometimes we want to tuck Him
away where it is safe and comfortable.
But GOD’s Spirit does not want us to be comfortable nor does He want to be contained. He wants
to make us uncomfortable. He wants to
raise us up, shake us up, move us beyond the safe zone and into the
battlefield.
So
my prayer has become, “Lord, give me Your heart for others. Help me to see them
as You see them. Help me to hear not only their words but also their
hearts. Give me wisdom before I speak
so that I can speak Your heart. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit and let my
life be the proof of Your love.”
Love,
Yolanda
A special thank you to Bob Knight from the ImageZone for his continued help and encouragement on my blogging journey. http://www.theimagezone.com/
Also, a special thank you to Student Venture Ministries for all the time, love and discipleship training their staff devotes to young people seeking a relationship with Jesus. Your ministry was instrumental in my salvation and spiritual growth. http://www.studentventuretemecula.org/
