A Runner's Identity Crisis

I just completed my third 5K and with this last one I learned an important lesson – I’m a runner not a walker. You see, I signed up for this particular 5K months ago. When I registered, I noticed you could sign up as a runner or a walker. I didn’t feel “runner worthy” yet because a speed walker can usually outpace me. It seemed presumptuous to identify myself with such an athletic title when I have friends who run half marathons and full marathons. They are entitled to the identity of runner. Not me.

So at the starting line, where all the runners were gathering, I waited on the sidelines with all the walkers. I kept looking around for my friend, Beckie, who is my training buddy. I’m calling to ask her where’s she’s standing so we can wait together and she’s says, “I’m in line already. Where are you?”  Sure enough she was lined up with the runners! She had identified herself as a runner, not a walker! What?

“But, but…I thought we were going to go with the walking group? Isn’t this group just for those who run really fast?”

Before she could really answer, the buzzer rang and she took off, smiling, radiant and joyous! As I watched her, a little enviously, I wondered sadly, “Why didn’t I register as a runner?” And this sentiment only intensified as I lined up with all the walkers. As our buzzer rang, I was not able to take off running because of the strollers, dog carts, and Chatty Cathy’s who were in my way. Frustrated, I made my way around them and started running. I thought to myself, “You have no one to blame but yourself. Why didn’t you see yourself worthy of the identity of runner?”

Lately, I’ve been reading this challenging book that describes the characteristics of lukewarm Christians. Basically Christians who are neither hot nor cold and who are pretty much faking it (Revelation 3:15-16). As I started reviewing this list of negative characteristics, I start seeing all my faults and identifying myself as lukewarm. Before I knew it, I was depressed, freaking myself out, and wondering, “God, am I faking it?”

God, in His mercy and goodness, reminded me of my real identity through a radio pastor on the drive to the 5K. The pastor basically said:

“Our identity as a Christian does not come from anything we do, not our accomplishments or our failures. It is not about us at all. It is about JESUS and what He has done for us. He gives us our identity. We cannot earn it. We are God’s masterpiece. His work-of-art. He wants to use us to accomplish great things but it is always for Him and by Him that we are able to do them. It’s not for us to get the glory but for Him to get the glory. Everything we do must always point to God so that people are drawn to Him.”

Listening to this message, I started to weep in my car. Because I knew God was giving me a much-needed love talk. He was basically telling me, “Yolanda, all these negatives thoughts you’re having are coming from the enemy. He wants you to doubt who I've created you to be. To doubt that I love you. Because if you identify yourself as lukewarm you will act lukewarm. You will stop striving for more of ME and that’s what the enemy wants. But I want to give you more! More of ME! I have given you a new identity. You are my beloved. You are my child. You are able to do all things through MY Son who strengthens you.  My Spirit resides in you. Stop doubting! Start trusting!”

So even though I had registered as a walker I was determined to run the entire 3.21 miles. I turned up the volume on my praise music and put my complete confidence and trust in God. I ran past baby strollers, dog carts, and Chatty Cathy's. And when I got fatigued and felt like walking, I prayed to God to strengthen me. I pushed harder and faster than I’ve ever ran before and as I rounded that last curve, running into the finish line, the song, Courageous, played on my playlist.

“In the war of the mind, I will make my stand. In the battle of the heart and the battle of the hand.”
 

I raised my hand while running and declared to God:

"In the war of my mind, God, I will make my stand. I will keep my mind focused on You. I will capture all negative thoughts, identify them as coming from the enemy, and declare victory over them in Jesus Name.

In the battle for my heart, I refuse to be lukewarm. I will feast on Your Word and pray for more of Your Holy Spirit’s presence and power in my life.

And in the battle of my legs, I will keep them running towards You. I will not quit. I will keep training. Getting stronger and faster with every 5K."

So, I am a RUNNER. I’m proudly claiming the title!

But why am I a runner? Why has God given me this drive when I have always hated anything that requires sweating? Why now at 46 instead of 16, 26, or 36 even?

Because each time I participate in a 5K God puts someone on my heart or in my path to invite to join me. Someone who’s tired of standing on the sidelines watching others run by. Someone who just needs to be encouraged, motivated, or maybe even carried until God renews their strength. And each time a friend runs, like my friend Joan, they bless and inspire me. My prayer for each friend is the same prayer I pray for myself. God, run with us every step of the way - renew, heal, inspire, transform, and empower us. May we cross the finish line with a passion to inspire others. Amen. 

So, whether we run for Him, write for Him, teach for Him, sing for Him, or serve Him, He wants to fill us up with His unfailing love so that it flows out of us into others. Making us radiant! Shining His light of hope to those who are hopeless and lost around us. That’s our sole purpose in this life. To point people to Jesus Christ, the source of our hope and joy, Savior, Champion, and perfecter of our faith.

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.  Ephesians 2:7-10 (MSG)

Love,

Yolanda