Teen Survival Guide

Well, it’s finally happened…

I was hoping to avoid it. Praying The Rapture would occur before this big day but no such luck.

My daughter has officially entered the teen years. The Big Thirteen.

Am I freaked out? Yes. But not for the reasons I originally dreaded.

This week, we discovered an old video recording of my daughter’s 3^rd birthday party. While recording my daughter eating a hot dog, the hot dog fell out of the bun and onto the floor. She picked it up asking, “Mama, eat it?” My response, “Yeah, 5 second rule.”  As we’re watching the video, I’m busting up laughing and my daughter says, “Mom, that’s terrible! You haven’t changed a bit!”

That’s because my parenting philosophy is still pretty much guided by the “The 5 Second Rule”.  Before making important parenting decisions such as sleepovers, friendships, movies, books, extra-curricular activities, etc. I ask myself:

• Are there any positive learning or teachable moments in this activity?
• Does the good outweigh any potential for bad?
• Does this activity take away from our faith or value system?
• Does this contribute to shaping the person I want my daughter to become? And so on…

For example, this summer I was criticized by some well-meaning friends for allowing my daughter to read some girl-drama books. Seriously, I couldn't believe they were questioning my judgment on books while I was literally holding my YA vampire romance novel. Anyways, these teen books were not Christian based. They are similar to the 2004 movie, Mean Girls. My daughter begged for them. She promised to read all 16 books. So I asked myself the questions above, did my research online, and made my decision based on the fact that the good outweighed the bad.

You see, my daughter used to struggle with reading so she avoided it at all costs. I tried bribery, threats, tutoring, and wasted a lot of money on popular kid series books just to get her to pick up a book. I took a chance that maybe this would be the series that would ignite her love of reading. Well it did! She breezed through all 16 books, and ended up reading 25 books over the summer. So when my friends questioned me (somewhat harshly), “What are you trying to teach your daughter by letting her read these books?” My very prompt reply was, “To love reading!” Period. End of story.

You see as parents, we are going to have different “5-second rule” lines drawn in the sand. Some of us are going to say no to movies rated over PG. Others of us will be taking our daughters to see Divergent on opening weekend so that mom can write a blog post about it. What I've realized over the last 13 years is that you need to know why you’re drawing the line, whether that line is negotiable, and if it not then you have to be willing to lay down your life (metaphorically speaking) on that line. With my daughter in middle school, it seems that more and more I’m collapsing in prayer on that line.

In sixth grade, my daughter’s social studies curriculum focused on evolution and the age of the earth. I don’t have a problem with my daughter learning this material, but when that curriculum is taught by a self-professed atheist who puts doubts in her mind about the Bible well it’s time for mom to draw the line in the sand. I did not march on campus and demand that the subject matter be dropped. I did not tell my daughter, “Well that’s not what we believe so just don’t think about it.” I believe the best defense is a strong offense.

So my plan of attack - Organize a Summer Science Camp at my house, taught by a well-respected science teacher with 25 years of experience teaching science from a secular and Christian perspective.  Over 4 days, he showed the students that a Biblical account of Creation can be proven using modern scientific discoveries. Christian students can be shaken by the age of the earth question which in turn freaks out Christian parents. What many Christians don’t know is that the Bible allows for an interpretation of either an old earth view of Creation (millions of years old) or a young earth view of Creation (thousands of years old) without contradicting or misinterpreting the Book of Genesis.

Our main goal for the science camp was not to persuade them one way or another. Our goal was to prove that God is the Creator and scripture can support both sides. We do not have to fear science. We as Christians should embrace science because new scientific discoveries are pointing to the existence of God. Even Albert Einstein, a pretty smart dude, had to admit that the Universe had a beginning therefore it had to have a Beginner (GOD). I’m not a science scholar so if your interested in this stuff, check out the website Reason To Believe (reasons.org).

Young people raised in Christian homes are leaving the church and abandoning their faith because parents want to bury their heads in the sand. We must not bury our heads in the sand. We have to draw the line and defend it with every tool in our arsenal.

Now in 7^th grade, part of her social studies curriculum is learning all about a religion that pretty much opposes mine. Funny how it has become law that this material is taught in school yet my religion freaks people out, offends, and inspires lawsuits. She's had to quote part of their religious text, draw pictures of their religious artifacts, analyze their prayers, and make a mini movie about their religious practices. Now ask yourself why is this curriculum OK for one religion but not for another? Good question.

So as my daughter has once again come home with questions.  Am I marching on campus and debating her teacher? No, because the teacher is just the messenger of this political agenda to rob my child of her faith. Am I ignoring my daughter’s questions hoping that the problem will just go away or that she’ll lose interest? Absolutely not! My daughter is very much like me. She’s a thinker. She wants answers and if she doesn't get them from me, she’ll get them from somebody else.

So what tools do I have in my arsenal? Knowledge. I believe we should all be informed about all kinds of religions so we can understand one another's points of view. Acquiring knowledge gives you wisdom. So,  I am doing my research and sharing that research. I am showing her online videos and reading her scripture. We talk about current events and how this all plays out in Bible prophesy.  At one point, while getting pretty passionate in my dissertation, she finally said, “OK, mom, I get it.” 

But this is just one victory in the war for my child’s soul.  Statistics show that children between the ages of 3-13 have a higher percentage of accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior but that percentage is still only 32%. Between the ages of 14-18, the percentage goes down to 4%. The same data shows that we are losing children between the ages of 18 –24. They are completely stepping away from God. Why? Because the media, society, higher education, professors, and their peers are convincing them that God does not exist. Have you seen the movie, God’s Not Dead about what is happening on college campuses? If you haven’t, you should.

So now you see why my teen worries have changed from boys and hormones to soul survival.  Because at age 13, her salvation is not based on my beliefs but her own. She has to take ownership over her own faith. Thank the Lord that my daughter is absorbing the information, starting to see the reality that Jesus is coming back soon which has inspired a heart kindled with compassion her unsaved friends. She’s been inviting them to church and youth group. I’m very proud of her. But, as her mom, I still have to be very vigilant because the Enemy is out there waiting for an area of weakness to pop up.

So here are the tools and weapons that are in my Teen Survival Guide:

1. Prayer. I lift her up in prayer daily. I will model prayer as much as possible. I’ll remind her to have her own prayer time and to go to God when problems arise.
2. Bible. I read God’s Word consistently. It has become my survival guide. I will share God’s Word with my daughter. And I will encourage her to have her own Bible reading time.
3. Praise music. Praise music is a powerful mood changer. My daughter loves music, as do most children this age, so I play praise music whenever possible. She knows the lyrics to almost every song!   
4. Church. We will not neglect going to church. This is our family’s priority on Sunday. We will not let sports, extra curricular activities, or excessive weekend events become the priority in our life. Because if you don’t value church as an absolute in your own life, you cannot expect your kids to value it when they leave home.
5. Youth Group. In Middle School, a church youth group is a must. Children of this age are very social and active. They respect their peers and people who speak their language. I have told my daughter that I have a theory about dating and marriage. There is an age of availability to meet a great guy, one who shares your values, faith, and loves the Lord. It’s before the age of 26. After 26, people have emotional baggage. Just look at the statistic above. At age 24, young people are abandoning their faith. So where do you find like-minded people, youth group. That means if I have to go out on weeknights to take her to Youth Group event when I really want to stay home, I’ll do it. As parents we must make the sacrifice of time, energy, and our own selfish desires for the sake of our children.
6. Dating Rules. Be united as parents and talk about this early, way before you ever intend for them to date. My daughter knows our expectations. All potential suitors must be Believers in Jesus Christ. This is non-negotiable. No dating until age 18. Now this may be one of those areas that we negotiate in the future because questions like prom and school dances will arise. We shall see, I may get lucky and The Rapture will happen before then. 
7. Lastly, put on your armor. Because teens are going to challenge you on step 1-6. They are going to call you “embarrassing” because you actually insist on meeting parents before you entrust them with your child. They are going to call you “strict” because they are not allowed to do all the things their friends do. They are going to question your faith and you had better have answers. And they are going to challenge your patience because they are learning to spread their wings. And lastly, they are going to point out your mistakes and that’s OK. Fess up. Remind them that God loves us in spite of our shortcomings and that parents are a work-in-process too.

In writing this very long post, I'm reminded that the love we feel for our children is a fraction of the love God feels for us. Jesus is in Heaven with arms outstretched saying, “Come to me. Trust me that I have your best interests at heart. Let me protect you from the evils of this world. Follow me because my ways are straight and secure. Don’t let the distractions of this world steal your heart from me.” How much Jesus must weep over us when we are lost and in rebellion. The scriptures say that The Good Shepard will leave 99 sheep to go rescue the one that wanders away. And when that lost sheep returns, he will rejoice along with all of Heaven (Luke 15:4-7). That is how much our Father in Heaven longs for all of us to believe in His son, Jesus – the Good Shepard, so that none of us will perish.

Because my parenting is based on the “5 second rule” it is far from perfect. I am doing my best to make sure she reaches adulthood without years of therapy. No parent is perfect. And for all my tools in my survival guide, I know that every child has free will and the decision to accept Jesus is their own. But we don’t have to parent blindly. We have a perfect God who gave us His instruction manual. God’s Word is powerful. It mends broken relationships, it inspires forgiveness and grace, it heals the sick, it changes hearts, and it even has the power to raise the dead. Don’t underestimate it. Let’s not leave the most valuable tool in our Survival Guide on the shelf of life. 

So as we celebrate my daughter’s 13^th birthday, my wish for her is not worldly goods or accomplishments. My only wish is that she becomes a woman who chases after God’s own heart. I can already see God working in her life, developing her spiritual gifts. She’s a beautiful young lady, inside and out. She has a style all her own, with of love for all things vintage and classically elegant. She’s strong, independent and dances to a tune all her own. Her smile lights up a room and her laughter's infectious, LOUD but infections. So the best birthday gift I can hope for is one that I long for myself, a Crown of Righteousness bestowed one day by our Father in Heaven identifying us as Daughters of the King Most High. 

Dedicated to my daughter.

Love,

Mom

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge:  Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.  For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.  They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:1-8 (NIV)